I have had it coming for years …
… and then it hit me with a never known force. That’s it, time to say goodbye. We have been together for the major part of my life.
Basically, it was a shitty relationship and it took me eons of time to realise it, yet alone be able to do something about it.
And knowing that the relationship was bad and onesided was obviously not enough to induce me in taking action.
Oh, mind you, I did try to end it, many times, but we always ended up together again.
And, yes, I have read every self-help book on it.
But, it is not enough to know it in your head and feel it in your heart, I needed this third dimension of being absolutely sure YES I CAN DO IT and this is the right moment.
Time to say goodbye!
On January 3, 2012 my lovely and wise friend Kaarina Dillabough wrote a remarkable post on her 7 Steps do Decision Making .
While I was reading it the most beautiful rainbow appeared:
I remember writing in my comment something about the proverbial kick in the butt … and what this post meant to me: Wish, intention, statement, decision, willpower, commitment, action = from vagueness to power.
Kaarina concluded her post with a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”
And you need to trust the universe to make it happen.
For the first time in my life I put my trust in the universe to give me the sign and it happened last week.
Today is day 5: it is not the craving for a cigarette which bothers me. I am shocked at the way my body and my mind are reacting to the lack of nicotine. I am awake at all unusual hours of the night, I have trouble concentrating and getting anything done. I have a slight headache all the time.
Thank you, Kaarina, for being such a lovely friend and sending endless support tweets all the way from Canada. Thanks go to my family and friends for helping me and suffering (in silence) my tantrums.
Comments 84
I see it as you having begun a new relationship with many benefits.
@TheJackB Yes, Jack, except it is hard for me to see the many benefits!
@Late_Bloomers @TheJackB Barbara, make a list of the benefits. Then, if you have a weak moment. pull out the list and remind yourself why you are facing this struggle.
@wonderoftech @TheJackB Thanks, Carolyn, splendid idea, I will do this and include it in my progress post.
Ok, I get the photo now! 🙂
I did smoke when I was in college but I smoked just thrice! And though I loved it, I never got around to doing it more. And now when I see my friends slapping their nicotine patches on, I feel lucky. Yes, it is tough, but it isn’t impossible. And the best part is that you are trying. And trying hard.
The body and the mind will react awkwardly, but you determination is the one that matters! 🙂 I am so happy you let go!! Yayyyy for you! 🙂
@Hajra Dear Hajra, thanks so much, your smoking experience sounds like my other experiences … I was really a hardcore smoker and I am doing it the tough way: no nicotine patches, no medication, no hypnotism, no magnetism, but it is some experience, what the hell did I do to my body and mind over the many years?
I am glad and happy for all your help and support and if I start behaving strangely, you know the reason now …
@Late_Bloomers You seem like a very strong person so I see no reason in why you shouldn’t get through this.
Act as weird as you want to, I like weirdos; I am a shrink 😉
@Hajra Why do I seem a very strong person to you? Now, this is very interesting … I see myself differently probably because I have tried so many times and failed magnanimously! But you are right, weirdos are ok, I like them too, although I am not a shrink.
@Late_Bloomers Lol! No sweetie, you seem just fine! But if you feel the need to act weird; given the craving you might have, you know who to get weird at! 🙂
Pain. Nobody likes to suffer! My husband smoked for years with no luck giving up. I don’t know how, but one day he got sick of it and never went back. And he was seriously addicted! I thinks it’s really hard to do something that you know intellectually you can do, but aren’t so sure if you can handle it emotionally. At least that’s my experience. I need a high that I get from exercise and will crave caffeine (no coffee, just chocolate) when I’m not healthy. NOTHING changes that except exercise! I think if we could seriously just look at today and maybe a few days down the road at a time we’d make it easier on ourselves. Also,eliminating the word failure would help. I hate failing!!
@BetsyKCross Thank you so much, Betsy, you know how much I need to hear this now!
You are absolutely right: it is the word failure which creeps up on you from behind and sits on your shoulder whispering into your ear: “I told you so, you will not make it!” Every day, there are new opportunities and chances.
Wish I was more into exercise like you, I mean I enjoy my long walks with Chica but this is at a leisurely pace and not prone to give me any kicks …
@Late_Bloomers Sorry to mislead! I love to dance and need to exercise…but I don’t as of late.:( Just in my dreams! LOL!
@BetsyKCross Am I relieved!
Good for you. You are doing it the best way. It is the same way I did it 8 years ago. I think the only way to do this or really anything painful and unpleasant is to just do it. You have to accept suffering and breathe through it in the same way you have to breathe through labour pains, knowing in the end you will come out stronger and better. But first is the unpleasantness. The best medicine for many of our ills is faith and the power of our own minds. You can do this! 🙂
@rachel_howells Thanks, Rachel, did you give up smoking when you were pregnant? I did too, but took it up again, stupid me! You do not know how good it feels to share this with you!
I wonder now why I have kept this under a closed lid for the last five days, but maybe I needed this time for myself, what do you think?
Hello Barbara. I wish you all the best. Judging by this post you are more than half way there. Wish intention statement decision. You are now on willpower +commitment +action. You are powerful. I hope withdrawal will not be too bad. My work colleague managed to give them up after 38 years and hasn’t looked back once he got beyond the initial period.
@Hocam HI Mary, thanks so much. Yes, I think I am more than half way there. But I need all the encouragement and support – so grateful to you all!
I will be praying for your continued determination and am sending you positive vibes, Barbara! I love that quote from Emerson. Thank you for sharing that. This post is true for any addiction, isn’t it?….whether it’s for food, relationships, smoking, etc. You can do this. Every step counts, even baby steps. More power to you!!!
@jpage.manuel HI Joy, thanks so much, yes, this post is true for any addiction.
Some wise head once said: it is the dosage which counts! But with a disposition towards abuse, there is only one thing: fingers off!
@Late_Bloomers , I am so proud of and happy for you! You’ve undertaken a challenging journey, and by taking it one day at a time, you will soon experience what @TheJackB said: “a new relationship with many benefits”.
Allow yourself the tantrums, persevere through the headaches, allow the lack of concentration, and permit the crazy hours of sleep (or lack thereof). They will all pass, I assure you. And each day, as food tastes better, scents smell more crisp and your body eases into its new “benefits”, you will take another step…and another.I’m with you all the way, my friend, cheering you on and smiling like a proud mama. You rock! To rainbows, decisions, taking action and the universe supporting you. We all do too! Cheers! Kaarina
@KDillabough Thank you, thank you and thank you, love the picture of the proud mama doing the happy dance. Last night I watched the snow fall till 4 o’clock, maybe next night I will get up and go for a walk with Chica. Is this normal, not being able to sleep? And imagine how much I could get done … Or I could start getting social and call my friends on the other side of the globe …
@Late_Bloomers Your body is making a huge adjustment, my friend, so it’s “normal” to feel different than what you became accustomed to as “normal”. Smells will smell sweeter, tastes will taste better, sleep will come. Right now, allow your body and nature to do its course as it cleanses and regenerates itself.And don’t worry about “filling up the spaces”. Sitting and watching snow fall is a wonderful activity. You don’t need to fill your time with “busy work”. But of course…a skype call anytime across the ocean could work, winkwink. I’m up for a skype…anytime.And what Walt Disney movie was it…or was it even the movie Moonstruck…where two people, worlds apart, were looking at the same moon? We are all connected. We are supporting one another. Always. Cheers! Kaarina
Rock on Barbara! You know my “hell” story! My dad was a 4 pack – YES a 4 pack a day-er and booze was cigs buddy! My dad quit both cold turkey after literally 50 years and weirdly is quite healthy and has no desire for either (you had to know how awful it was). I believe in miracles and I’m going on 7 years now ;). Remember on 3 days physical – the rest is mental and you my friend, can tackle that one! Tug on me anytime you need a boost – I’ll make you laugh with my whacked out smoking stories. With you focus and friends, you’ll soar!
Stay strong – we believe in you!!
XO!!
@WGB2U Ah, cara Elena, the stories and experiences we share … 4 packs a day, this is gigantic and giving it up from one moment to the other: my compliments. I am happy for him and you all that he is healthy and doing fine. I am on day 6, thriving (eh, could need some sleep) and staying focused!
Thank you so much, I am overwhelmed with the encouragement I am getting and sending big hugs, my faraway friend!
Good luck. It’s worth it. You’re worth it.
@oneshoeshy Thank you,Thom, yes, we are all worth it and sometimes we do take things for granted or even jeopardize our health. I hope you are doing fine and are making progress.
I am SO proud of you @barbaraklein Your determination is almost palpable in your post today. I have not met you in person yet (I will make that change one day) but, I “know” that you have a spirit within that is stronger than most I’ve met. And the nicest thing about your tenacity is that it is wrapped in compassion, intelligence and wit and tied with a bow glittering with fortitude. Everything about you just seems to sparkle with health and vitality and serenity. This last step, this final break up, will assure your journey into holistic self awareness is complete. I have got your back my dear friend. If you ever need an ear, I am here for you. I believe in you and your strength.
Love and encouragement,
Claudia
@SocialMediaDDS Dear, dear Claudia, thank you so much, high praise which I humbly value, and beautiful images. It is amazing that once I had reached that point of knowing that I can do it (or having faith) it was smooth sailing.
Has it ever occurred to you that being faithless and gullible have a tendency to appear in pairs?
Thanks again, deeply touched and very grateful, big hugs 😉
I am definitely pulling for you. I know how big of that monkey is firsthand because both of my parents smoked and neither could quit.
One day at a time; you can do it…………
@bdorman264 Thank you, Bill, appreciate all the good wishes. Growing up we were surrounded by a smoking family, probably the reason for being sick in the car was all that smoke, quite a miracle the driver saw anything … And although I never wanted to become a smoker – bingo, we thought it was cool and grownup.
Yes, one day at a time, no pressure … and feeling grateful for wherever my journey will take me, as long as there is some nice company around, this is fine with me.
You can do it Barbara. It’s hard, I’ve experienced it second hand via Hubby, but it’s better than the second hand smoke, believe me. Every time you would have spent money on a packet, pop it into a specifc ‘money box’ and you’ll be amazed at the spending money you have when you visit England for your course. It’s a win, win situation. x
@Lucylastica2 Hey Lucy, thanks and I really like the second hand experience vs. second hand smoke! I know exactly where you are coming from: how is your frugal challenge going? And you are absolutely right, with the money saved I can do another workshop, yupeeh! Still a little bit slow with getting things done, Lucy, sorry, I owe you big! Big hug, x
@Late_Bloomers Not sure what you are apologising to me for, but appreciate the hug anyway – and a hug right back at you! Just writing another #frugalfeb blog update…oh it’s very trying, but fun all the same. 🙂
@Lucylastica2 Hi Lucy, I absolutely love your #frugalfeb challenge and just commented on your animal kingdom post http://lifethrulucylasticaslense.blogspot.com/2012/02/frugal-february-reaches-animal-kingdom.html
Hi Barbara,
Any addiction can be challenging and it’s admirable that you have decided to make this commitment to say good-bye to smoking.In the beginning I can understand it will be difficult but I am sure you will come out the victor as it’s clear you have the right mindset. It would be wonderful if you can write a follow-up post in a week as to your progress. I am sure everyone would love to know how you are doing. This way, it will be a sort of accountability 🙂 What do you think?
@BrowsingRome Hey Diana, Thanks for the encouragement and the tip for a follow-up post (you are right: we all love those stories and want to know what has happened). Can you believe it: today it has been one week. I feel fine except for the lack of sleep and I still find my concentration fuzzy.
Hey Barbara,
You’re never given anything in this world that you can’t handle.
best
@Akos Fintor Hey Akos,
Thanks for stopping by and welcome. Yes, you are absolutely right, given a positive attitude, we can handle everything.
Have a great day, Barbara
Congrats Barbara. When I quit smoking cold turkey (more than 12 years ago) I was smoking two packs a day. Something that helped me a lot was to take a walk around the block (once or twice) at the same time I would be taking a cigarette break. This got rid of some of my nervous energy.
Habits are a hard thing to crack. With cigarettes nicotine is out of your system in a few weeks. After that it’s creating a new habit.
I hear exercise is good for you…
@RobertDempsey Hi Robert,
Thanks for stopping by and welcome! I smoked 2 packs as well, I do not want to know what my lungs look like! I am in week 2 now and all I want is my energy back (and some sleep at night!).
Yes, I heard exercise is very good … with the warmer weather approaching I look forward to long walks with Chica
Hi Barbara! smoking is an addiction and kicking the habit is a real challenge. I wish you all the best. I find that, when I stop to do something, I like to start something else (such as boxing classes?). Take care and let us know how it goes…
@JSJ2020 Hey Muriel, Good grief, I cannot imagine myself taking up boxing classes but I had to laugh out loud and share your lovely piece of advice with everybody! I bought wool with the money saved on cigarettes and startet knitting a tunnel shawl, keeps my fingers busy and my mind focused on the knitting pattern. Thanks!
Peppers and hydration! (I think a lot of time, we combine smoking and drinking – not just alcohol, but coffee, tea, water, ANYTHING – and when we quit, we tend to quit BOTH.) The “peppers,” of course, is a reference to our conversation on MY blog. 😉 But don’t neglect hydration – I suspect that’s why your head was hurting, and hope you’ve gotten past that now.
@HollyJahangiri Hi Holly, It makes so much sense, I am so happy that Hajra pointed your post out to me re. food substitutes. What a lovely challenge thinking up “hot” recipes, I am planning of making a sidedish of sweet peppers pimped up with some mean chilis for dinner tonight! Thanks for mentioning hydration, I drink a lot (coffee, tea, water, fizzy stuff) but I remember when I was in India I had headaches in the first days as well. And yes – I am past it.
Kaarina recommended drinking hot water with lemon juice, I think I will add some grated ginger to it.
And I will definitely do a follow-up post and include all the good advice and tips! Thanks a ton and have a lovely Sunday, Barbara
I hope it’s going ok for you Barbara. You CAN do it!
@JanineRipper Hi Janine, I am ok but it is hard, I keep my eyes on the goal (never ever to be dependent on something again) which leaves me with very little energy for anything else! Thanks for believing in me, it means a lot!
Hi Barbara, Congratulations on taking this huge step! How is it going? Have you been tempted? Have you slipped? Make sure you reward yourself in other ways because what you’re going through is tough but well worth the struggle.
My mom smoked when I was a child. She was able to quit, but unfortunately she quit too late.
Please keep us posted on your progress. You can see by the comments there is a lot of support for you here in the blogosphere! (((Hugs)))
@wonderoftech Thank you so much, Carolyn, for your support and lovely comment.
Of course, I have been tempted and yes, I have slipped but I am in week 3 of my non-smoking life and things start to come back to normal, my energy level is better, I sleep more and I definitely eat more (doubt this is a very good thing, though).
Sorry to hear that about your mum, so sad when we make the wrong choices and hurt other people.
I plan another post on my progress, the different stages I went through and most important: tips and tricks. The way my energy level is soaring this will be out in 2 months or so! No, seriously, I hope I can give something back to the blogosphere, I so much appreciate the love and support and feel carried by it!
@Late_Bloomers @wonderoftech That’s a GREAT idea Barbara: a progress post, or several. Are you journalling at all? Writing things down as you go through the process is a great way to stay motivated, and will give you lots of fodder for future writing.The “blogosphere” will most definitely benefit from hearing first-hand the highs, lows and in-betweens of making a decision and sticking with it. Your journey is important, and can benefit not only you, but others who are “deciding”. Cheers! Kaarina
@KDillabough @wonderoftech Yes, I am journalling and the last 2 weeks were the most amazing eye openers in my diary: I could barely bring myself to write anything except DAY 1, DAY 2 etc. energy level down, lack of sleep, cravings, emptiness whilst my brain cells were in overdrive (wish I had a recording of that!) talking to me and reassuring me that everything was ok. I needed that 2 weeks period of letting go and welcoming in my new life, I know what I want to include in my fist progress post: the way you can help yourself with food, in this case with food belonging to the nightshade family.
@Late_Bloomers @wonderoftech I look forward to reading all about it!
Congratulations on your achievement and the best of luck in staying strong to fight the urges barbara klein
@Knikkolette Church Thanks, Knikkolette, appreciate it very much and yes, very determined to make it!
Wow! Know that you are supported here as well. You are going through the toughest part right now with your physical body trying to rebel. Hang in there. . . you can do it!!! And, thanks for taking us on your journey. Good luck!
@MarthaGiffen Thank you very much, Martha, for your good wishes and your support. It was not an easy decision to go public with my decision and my story (I am a very private person) but I am happy that I did.
@Late_Bloomers @MarthaGiffen See Barbara? By “going public” you not only have done a great thing for yourself, your health and your spirit, but have grown in confidence and strength to share. Bravo, bravo! So very proud of you!
Being healthy is a tremendous goal and takes perseverance. Congratulations, your clarity of your purpose will keep you moving forward.
Leanne Hoagland-Smith
@LeanneHoaglandSmith Thanks, Leanne, for stopping by and welcome. I love your “clarity of your purpose will keep you moving forward” and it means a lot to me to be supported by all of you.
I’ve been there, Barbara. It’s difficult, but definitely doable. I applaud you for making the decision and acting on it.
That said, what I’ve found is that it is easy to give up something when you first take ownership of it. And that means being able to enjoy your addiction, whatever it is, without guilt or shame. Then you’ve made it yours and you can give it away. Otherwise, it’s like giving away furniture one does not own. Towards this end, I highly recommend energy-psychology techniques.
And there’s nothing like a supportive network of friends to bolster you on this journey. You already have that. So I have no doubt you’ll kick this one. Cheers and hugs!
@Srinivas “Sage” Reddy Hi, Srini, Thanks so much for stopping by and welcome. What a great way you have found to say goodbye to your addiction: making it your own without guilt or shame (yes, I absolutely agree with that) and giving it away. Because it is your right to give away something you possess. Great thinking, thanks for sharing!
Good, good, great for you. So wonderful! Glad I came over to read and celebrate with you! My husband quit last summer. He’s been smoking since he was 12, I think. But when our daughter quit about 6 months before her wedding, he said, “I’m not walking her down the aisle smoking.” I said, “Well, I hope not.” He said, “No, I mean I’m quitting.” And he did. Unbelievable after all his other attempts that lasted a day or two. I’m so happy for any of us who can stop our addictions (and we all have them) and show up for life. I’ve watched it get easier and easier for him, as I’m sure it has/will for you. Keep going!
@skimhenson Hi Kim! Thank you so much for sharing your family’s story with smoking and spreading the good news. The examples of others who succeeded in giving up smoking are so vital and very much appreciated. And YES to your “show up for life”!
Congratulations, Barbara, on your decision. I respect your wish to change your life, and I know you will do this with flying colors!
With deep admiration,
~Keri
@connectyou Hi Keri, thank you so much! You cannot imagine how much your continued support and good energy sent my way mean to me. It is tough but I will persevere!
Hey Barbara, I am relatively new here. Kaarina is a great lady huh? She lives “up the road” from me and as a fellow CDN I am proud to know her too!
Great piece. I wasn’t sure where you were going with this post but I am glad to see that quitting smoking is a choice that you made. I spent a few years in Europe when I was younger and two years in Zurich. I was a smoker then and I found the ability to smoke anywhere was very inticing. Not sure how liberal it is now since is was 1990 when I was there last. Anyway, I applaud you for making this difficult choice and I wish you all the strength and courage to stick to it.
BTW, thanks for adding me on G+.
@rdopping Hey my fellow Canuck, thanks for those very kind words. And you will love Barbara: she’s a bright ray of sunshine, a lovely person whose words and works will make you smile. Cheers! Kaarina
@KDillabough @rdopping Love you, Kaarina, and thanks for your very generous words, they work like a reflector and bring a huge silly grin to my face!
I am living in the wrong country, wish I could just walk down the road and knock on your door (knitting in hand!).
@Late_Bloomers @rdopping We must make that happen Barbara:) I watched (for the umpteenth time) the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun” last evening, and it puts me in mind of the kind of adventures we could experience together. Perhaps you’d like to make a trip to Canada, or vice versa? Love you too.
@KDillabough @rdopping We will make it happen, with our combined energy this will be peanuts! “Under The Tuscan Sun” – what a lovely book, I have never seen the movie, but the house I have set my heart upon in Tuscany is similar, the people there are fantastic and quite unique, oh yes,we would definitely have quite some adventures.
A trip to Canada or vice versa, why not? Or we cold rent a house from friends of mine, who own the bishop’s summer residence near Massa Marittima, you would love them.
Let’s start making plans!
Big hugs,
Barbara
@Late_Bloomers @rdopping Definitely! We’ve decided2do, so we will make it happen. Renting a house? Sounds divine:) Let the planning begin!And you MUST watch the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun”. It will envelope you. Hugs back at’cha, Kaarina
@KDillabough @rdopping Honestly, I need some blanketing now! Exhausted but I feel good at having achieved so much!
By all means: let the planning begin!
@rdopping Hey Ralph, lovely to see you here, thanks for stopping by!
Ah, Kaarina, la reine du printemps, the multiple user of snowshoes and a neighbour of yours, I feel very honoured to know her (hi, Kaarina!).
Thanks for your lovely words, more than sorry to say I had a relapse and feel like Sisyphus, that poor Greek guy. But my time will come … and with all the good wishes and energy coming from all of you I will make it!
Europe is not liberal today, it has become like the States. Having lived in Switzerland this makes you practically an ex neighbour, what did you do then here?
Have a lovely Sunday, Barbara
@Late_Bloomers @rdopping Remember: relapses are part of life. Accept. Be kind to yourself. When again you decide2do, you will do. Your time will come:)
@KDillabough @rdopping Kaarina, I will be eternally grateful for this. You taught me to be kind to myself which lifted a burden off my shoulder and I am convinced my time will come 😉
@Late_Bloomers Your time will come: you WILL do it. I’m supporting you throughout your journey. No need for any burden on your shoulders, so I’m glad it’s been lifted:)
@KDillabough After having spent hours on my latest post (about the workshop in England), many cups of coffee and swearing at my MacBook Pro getting ever so slow and old (big subject these days) your words come at the right time! Thank you so much and here’s to Tuscany!
My first time here, Barbara and I’m so glad to read of your decision. I do believe in the Universe conspiring – I’ve seen it happen in my own life. In the last few months, I’ve made some good choices for my health and I feel so much better for it. I wish you all the strength you need as you do this for YOU.
@CorinneRodrigues Hi Corinne, welcome and thanks for coming here and your good wishes! Oh yes, I agree with you, alas, the flesh is weak and unfortunately I succumbed to temptation. My time will come when I am ready, there is no use in punishing myself even further. What were the choices you made for your health?
@Late_Bloomers I know how that is, Barbara and I think the very intention is a good start. I was grossly overweight and it was killing me – so I went for a 15 day detox program (in Bangalore, India) and it helped me to kick start a better lifestyle – better choices for food and starting to exercise. I’ve slipped too especially on the exercise during the hot summers we have here, but but the diet is going well.
@CorinneRodrigues Oh, Corinne, this is great! I went to Kerala for an Ayurvedan detox as well and wish I could do this every 2 years, what luxury to be able to concentrate on yourself and try to change old patterns.
Your boxer Pablo is a gorgeous dog, we used to have boxers when I was a child. My dog Chica, already an old lady of 12, is a mixture of Labrador and Weimaraner.
Wow, i know how hard this is for you. I went through the same thing. It’s been 8 years since i last smoked. Before that i tried several times. but the last time i just knew it was going to be the last. Maybe it was the universe finally conspiring to make it happen.
Congrats..
@AnnieAndreHacks Hi Annie, welcome to Late Bloomers. Wow, congrats on your 8th anniversary! Wish I could say the same but I have had a relapse, definitely not my time yet …
How did you manage to follow through?
@Late_Bloomers It wasn’t easy but basically I avoided situations that gave me the urges. I made sure i was around people as much as possible who knew i wanted to quit. My kids and co-workers. And everyday i marked my calendar and rewarded myself at the end of each week. Then as i gained momentum, it got easier. Oh, and i exercised a lot. Exercise releases dopamine which is what smoking does too.
@AnnieAndreHacks Yes, I know what you mean and I did the same. Except I did not tell people whom I knew to be skeptical and non supportive (“Ah, giving it up again. You will not make it” Thank you very much). I think it was at that critical point (after three weeks) where I took the wrong turn and succumbed in a weak moment.